T-Rex

I am officially naming 2021 “The Year of the T-Rex”. I just looked it up and this year is the Year of the Ox on the Chinese calendar. I know nothing about the Ox or the Chinese calendar but I am getting a good grip ( no pun intended) on the T-Rex. Here is the story I have been writing this summer. 

Fun fact, my earthly body has short arms and small hands. There is nothing wrong with them. They function as they should. The short arms are noticeable only to me. Long sleeve clothes require a roll or two. Top shelves are accessed by a stool, chair or Steve. The little hands are still big enough to hold our dear grandson Rowan and they can unwrap chocolate with no trouble at all, but in comparison to most, they are weak and undersized. Knowing this about myself, I often joke that I am part T-Rex.

While I don’t struggle daily with my physical arms and hands, I do struggle pretty regularly with the spiritual ones. I am finally coming to the realization that I try to reach for or hold onto “stuff” that is too messy, too sticky, too dangerous and or just too heavy for me to hold. I also have woken up to the fact that most of the stuff I am grabbing at isn’t even mine to hold in the first place. It is stuff that belongs to my family. It is stuff that belongs to my friends. It is stuff that belongs to a broken world and some of it is stuff that shouldn’t belong to anyone. I am learning more and more during my time with Jesus that I wasn’t designed to hold stuff, He was. This feels like a sister concept to my control issues that the stage 4 cancer diagnosis quickly is making work of. I think decades of being a full time working wife and mom set me up to be pretty successful with holding and controlling multiple things, for multiple people, at multiple times. In the last few years, I feel like I am finally letting go of the need to control, now I am trying to not even reach out and touch it (much less control it). For me “holding stuff” feels anxious, overwhelming, and if I am honest maybe even a little hopeless when it is extra heavy. What I have also figured out this year is that “not holding” doesn’t mean not caring. I am pretty sure I had confused that for most of my adult life. I am finding that if I don’t hold, I can actually care better. If I don’t hold, my hands are free to be truly helpful or better positioned to fold and pray. 

So what am I holding onto these days? I have simplified big time.  I am now trying to only hold onto the promises of God. My little hands and short arms are perfect for that. I have tapped into a resource I found online a few years ago. 365promises.com sends me one of God’s promises each morning. What a great way to start each day.  One of my favorite songs right now is Promises. The louder I listen to this amazing praise song, the deeper it sinks into my soul. The lyrics are ringing so true. Great is His faithfulness to me. Since my last blog post, the tumor markers continue to show that the cancer has settled into a nice deep sleep. Perhaps we will even get a long winter’s nap out of the current treatment plan. Side effects of the wonder drugs are manageable and fairly predictable which makes this journey so much easier. My health is “holding” steady (and not by me). Thank you for checking in today. Thank you for your continued prayers and well wishes. We feel them and know they are positively impacting our story. Just a quick FYI October brings our annual Be Brave Race festivities. I will have information out for joining the Turtle Team in the next few weeks. Would you like to join us either in person or virtually? Let me know. 

Love, Jodi