I find myself in the middle of the schedule for the trial this week and it seems like a good idea to pause and give some praise. Most of the time I really don’t know what God is up to with me. If I am honest, there are seasons and circumstances when my heart is crying out in a loud whining voice “What are you doing?!”. Thenone of my favorite verses pops into my head from Isaiah 55:8, where the Lord says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways”. Yup, that has been my life long experience and I am so glad it isn’t the other way around. What if He thought like I thought and He did things the same way I would – ick!
However, every so often in His infinite mercy and grace, He lets me see how His perfect plan comes together and this is where I find myself today recording it in this blog so that the next time I freak out, I will remember He is working all things for my good.
Treatment #6 really was short lived. Last November I started the drug Enhertu and it was determined to be ineffective just a few short months later in the first week of March. I didn’t really love Enhertu, the side effects weren’t great, but it has really been “The Drug” for so many breast cancer patients. I was hoping I could get at least a year out of it, but that wasn’t the plan (and good thing it wasn’t). The treatment needed to change. Around this same time my daughter was also making a much needed change in her job and here is where things start to come together. Her job change created a hole in their daycare plan on Fridays for the months of February-May. Without being exactly sure how I was going to be able to do it, Steve and I offered to step in to hang out with our grand boys – and let me tell you it has been the best. Since March, I have been given the chance to spend a day with the 3 year old by himself and be the transportation provider for the 5 year old. What a gift! The 3 year old is at the stage where playing make-believe is one of his favorite things to do and I can’t think of a better way to spend a day than to be surrounded by puppets, playdough, and play food (Video Clip) . The drive time in the car with the 5 year old has been just as precious as I get to hear all that is going on at school and have the chance to pray with him before he heads into his day. It’s worth noting that this time on the calendar is typically a low contact time with these guys due to the family schedule, but I get to have a weekly appointment.



The goodness of His plan doesn’t stop there! This clinical trial turned out to be a key piece. Rather than start an even harder treatment plan with nasty side effects and a schedule that would cramp any Granny’s style, the trial – in an unexpected way – has left me feeling pretty darn good with a February-May schedule that gave me my Fridays to do exactly what I want to do. I am sitting here typing this with the biggest smile on my face. This is such a good part of the story, and while there were a few dark days in March because of all the unknowns, I get it now. I get how this all worked out for me. Thank you Lord!
So what happens in June? Well on May 26th I will get a few scans to see what, if anything, this drug did with the growing cancer. The trial folks will determine at that time if I should stay on it for another 8 weeks and repeat the process or if it is time for a heavy hitter. Today, my heart and mind tell me that it doesn’t matter either way. If I stay on the trial – great. If it is time to move on, I can do that too, trusting in the plan my heavenly Dad already has laid out for me. If you have been praying for me to have peace, I hope this post encourages you. I feel it right now, even though I couldn’t be more in the dark. The light of Jesus is shining bright!







